It’s been five years since I updated this blog. I doubt anyone actually noticed, but some part of me feels kinda bad about that. During the time away, some things changed quite a bit and, as one might expect, other things didn’t change at all.
First off, The Players Club went into full beast mode, hosting many touring professional players, including Effren Reyes, Fedor Gorst, Kristina Tkach, Devin Poteet, Danny Harriman, Roland Garcia, Can Salim and several other regional stars. Justin Bergman was our house pro and he was always around. The railbirds, as one might expect, were also always there; bringing plenty of crazy topics and challenges for both Justin and the locals. We also held exhibitions for Mark Wilson’s new project US Team Billiards which brings a new effort to rebuild the image and stigma of pool in the country (more on this later). TPC grew rapidly through 2022 and allowed us in 2023 to move into a giant space; boasting eight barboxes and three full size tables. One could say in hindsight that we pushed our luck a little far with this move as this also bookended the reopening of the country with the lifting of the COVID lockdown allowing all other pool rooms to open as well. Unfortunately, TPC was unable to sustain itself with the population now spread across the region as the players went back to their local rooms. TPC closed its pool room at the end of 2023.
For me personally, it was a huge emotional hit as I had poured everything I could into the success of the live stream and pool room for the previous four years. Even though I was not the founder, I was there every step of the way and I know it hit Brendan even harder. After closing, I withdrew from pool for a while, maintaining but a single pool event, the in-house league at Cue & Cushion. Mostly because there’s a long waiting list and I still hold some weird semblance of pride for being an active league member since 2010 (or whenever it was). I didn’t watch pool online, I didn’t go out to play, and I certainly didn’t practice.
About six months after TPC closed I went with a friend to another pool room to have a social night out. I was stunned at how many people came up to welcome me, ask how I’d been, expressed their sadness about the closure of TPC, and asked what the next step for me would be. It was heartwarming and honestly it lit a tiny little spark of pool-desire that had been extinguished for some time.
As I continued to lackadaisically play league and as such didn’t perform up to my own standards, the disappointing performances finally motivated me to put forth purposeful effort to regain my skills. As I didn’t blog during my TPC time, there’s no reference point other than old youtube videos and archived streams that are not trivial to uncover (working on fixing that randomly); but during TPC, I was playing nearly every day, and I was playing well. Quite well, honestly. I had for the first time ever beat the 9-ball ghost in a race to 9 in 2022, for example. I was learning from Justin’s presence, and I was getting plenty of time to both work on my own abilities when I wasn’t watching high level pool from the commentator booth. In truth, my “A” game was only pushing a 600 Fargo, but my average game was a very solid 550; which is still pretty decent in the area. So, I knew I could return to the C&C league with a level of ability they had not seen yet, and I have this silly internal goal of getting through an entire league session undefeated.
It’s been more than two years since TPC closed, and during that time I’ve played 6 league sessions, getting three first-place finishes, and two other top-three finishes. Unfortunately, none of those wins were flawless; though two of them were with just a single loss. My history of random bursts of focused discipline continues, and there are months where I just don’t feel motivated to practice, and others when I’m on the table five nights a week. My overall performance reflects this like clockwork.
With the start of 2026 well underway, I’m sad to report that I lost my first match of the new session; but that loss (and honestly that entire week of pool table experiences) have brought to the surface a huge hole in my game.
My mental toughness.
This is not new information, I’ve always known that I have trouble keeping my mental in check; and I’ve written about here several times over the years. But something is different about the realization this time. Honestly, I’m not quite sure what it is, but it feels like a more defined or clear roadblock (whatever that means).
In years past, when I would talk about the mental game, I would say the words, but they were always masked in physical doubt under the hood. I’ve rebuilt some small mechanics in my stance and stroke and I’ve never felt more confident to make almost any shot on the table. My on-the-table-strategy feels stronger than ever; when to play safe, how to play safe, position routes and patterns, general table speed adaption – I feel confident, sometimes even a little cocky if I’m honest. But the moment something goes wrong, I start to decline. Well, I shouldn’t say the moment – I can withstand a number of bad rolls, or whatever – more than I could several years ago anyway. But, there is a limit, and when that limit is reached, I lose all hope of reigning in those runaway emotions.
When I lose control, emotions take over and I can sometimes make a whole fool of myself. I always end up escaping the pool room as fast as possible, often in a fit of frustration and rage that I end up having to apologize to someone for the next week. I’m embarrassed by that pattern, to my core. And yet, it was only this most recent weekend when I finally put some time into researching ways to manage myself that was more than just “don’t get mad, don’t get mad, just breathe, shit happens, don’t get mad”; which clearly does not work.
I had more points to make for this blog post, but this turned into quite an essay so I will save some of the other aspects of the recent years for another post later. I will wrap this up by saying that even though I’ve only just begun researching actual sports psychology tactics, I have some hope that I will find a way through this, because honestly, my ego just can’t take another year of losing to myself in the ways I lost last year. Admittedly, that might not be the best frame of mind from which to start, but I can’t deny the fact that I have a weird sense of pride in my ability and I know I haven’t reached my upper limit on skill yet.
In addition to everything I’ve noted above, I’ve also completely rewritten the stlpool.net website and have started adding events and results again. I also rebuilt the C&C League website, my professional website and my photography website. Since 2022, I’ve also been doing a lot of photography, weddings, events, portraiture, and traveling for landscapes. All of this while maintaining an adult 9-5 job that has been fairly draining. I’m constantly tired, and there’s always something that needs doing. I will come back to talk about US Team Billiards and my first experiences with both the BCA and Ultimate Pool leagues I now play in as well.